Current update 29/19/2024

She is now 22 and about to graduate with her BA degree in Psychology. I could never be more proud of her than I am right now. Why? Not because of this only. Mostly because she has maintained her authenticity, speaks her truth, lives her truth and honours her boundaries (even with me 😅). Conscious Parenting raises conscious human beings who know themselves, like themselves, and are invested in making the world a better place.

It’s worth the hard work, and it’s worth working on yourself and reparenting yourself.

Reposted 29/10/2018

Repost, my daughter is 16 and in Grade 10 and the pressure on kids is even worse. I try to keep her home life as supportive as possible, non judgmental and stress free. Believing in her own ability, giving her autonomy to figure our her study routine helps build intrinsic motivation! The marks are irrelevant, her efforts and self esteem matter most!

Originally posted 28/10/2015

The other day my 13 year old daughter was telling me that one of her friends is really stressing about the upcoming exams and how her parents will react if she does not get all 7’s or at least above 80% in all her subjects. This is her record so far and normally walks off with all the awards at the end of the year. She then remarks that she cannot understand how her parents are not able to see how this pressure is affecting their child. I explained that often parents want their children to excel and reach their full potential. I too want this from her and my boys, however its the how that becomes tricky. Often in todays times we are caught in the lie of expecting and achieving perfection both in our children and in ourselves. This prevents us from being satisfied with how well our kids do at academics, sports and in life in general.

The Idea of Perfection

By Dr Shefali

We are a generation obsessed with perfection. We mothers more than others perhaps. We push ourselves to know it all and do it all. Quite obviously we project this onto our offspring. Ten choices of fruit at breakfast, three different cereals to choose from, two kinds of dessert, three bathing suits, two backpacks, and of course, how could I forget, sailing, horseback riding, ice skating, and sculpting are only some of the high-end activities we aspire to fill our children’s evenings with. We constantly compare ourselves with others, measuring ourselves to impossible standards. We barely have time to sit still. From lacrosse to tutoring, dance to drama. The question to ask is this: Where is this high-speed train going?

What is our purpose in doing all this for our children? Do we realize that in giving them so much we are actually giving them the false message of perfection? Do we realize that in giving them so much we teach them to know life only through a lens that is plentiful and fanciful? Is our goal to raise children who are addicted to comfort, excess and ease?

Our children need more than anything to learn that it is in the essentials of life that peace is to be found, not in the frills. They need to learn that they do not need trips to the toy store to feel good about who they are but instead to realize their goodness in their as-is state. Our children are already aware of their as-is perfection. It is we parents who are not in touch with our own.

We fill our children’s lives with things, events, and activities because we are basically anxious with the stillness of our own spirits. It is because we are insecure about our own sense of worth and out of touch with our own inherent divinity that we overcompensate for this lack by creating the illusion of perfection through our children.

This unrelenting projection of our inner anxieties onto our children needs to stop. Our children pay a heavy price for our discontent. We parents need to learn to allay our insecurities and lack of worth by living our own lives purposefully and authentically. Once we begin to do this, the need for frills and fancy fall to the wayside. Instead a renewed sense of inner godliness gets projected outward. Once this inner light begins to shine, everything on the outside begins to bask in its glow. Suddenly, a simple meal of vegetables and fruit becomes golden, a walk in the park bejeweled, and a family movie in bed the diamond of all experiences.